You can't direct the wind, but you can adjust your sails.
Q: What do you call a clairvoyant midget who just broke out of prison? A: A small medium at large.
When you've seen one non-sequitur, the price of tea in China.
2 rules to success in life. 1. Don't tell people everything you know.
Nothing contributes more to peace of soul than having no opinion at all. -George Christopher Lichtenberg
If it weren't for the last minute, nothing would ever get done.
If it doesn't matter, it doesn't matter.
Warranty and guaranty clauses are voided by payment of the invoice.
I think, therefore I am. I think.
A wise man should have money in his head, but not in his heart. -Jonathan Swift
A smooth sea never made a skillful sailor.
Confidence is the feeling you have before you understand the situation.
Listen or thy tongue will keep thee deaf. -American Indian Proverb
If you consult enough experts, you can confirm any opinion.
Be nice to people on your way up because you'll need them on your way down. -W. Migner
Bachelors should be heavily taxed. It is not fair that some men should be happier than others. -Oscar Wilde
Fear is a darkroom for developing negatives.
Do not confine your children to your own learning, for they were born in another time. -Hebrew proverb
Laziness is no more than the habit of resting before you get tired. -Jules Renard
It is not length of life, but depth of life. -Ralph Waldo Emerson
He that is of the opinion money will do everything may well be suspected of doing everything for money. -Ben Franklin
Two step formula for handling stress: 1. Don't sweat the small stuff. 2. Remember that it's all small stuff. -Anthony Robbins
Lead me not into temptation. I can find it myself.
There are no facts, only interpretations. -Friedrich Nietzsche
Frisbeetarianism, n.: The belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.
Nothing great was ever achieved without enthusiasm. -Ralph Waldo Emerson (Circles)
ELBONICS: Two people maneuvering for one armrest in a theater.
Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else.
Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?
Diplomacy is the art of letting someone else get your way.
An oral contract isn't worth the paper it's written on.
He who foresees calamities suffers them twice over.
Reputation: what others are not thinking about you.
When professors want your opinion, they'll give it to you.
Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail. -Ralph Waldo Emerson
Difficulties strengthen the mind, as labor does the body. -Seneca
Under the most controlled conditions, the experimental apparatus will do exactly as it pleases.
Scratch & Sniff Here [ ] ... Smells like glass, Don't it?
Our greatest glory is not in never failing, but in rising up every time we fail. -Ralph Waldo Emerson
The nicest thing about the promise of spring is that sooner or later she'll have to keep it. -Mark Beltaire
See what everyone else has seen, but think what no one else has thought. -Albert St. Georgyi
If we don't change our direction, we're likely to end up where we are headed. -Chinese Proverb
You have to catch the future. It is not moving toward you, it is moving away. -African Proverb
Give me the strength to change the things I can, the grace to accept the things I cannot, and a great big bag of money.
We learn from history that we do not learn anything from history.
Always remember that you are unique. Just like everyone else.
Consultant: n. One who borrows your watch to tell you what time it is and then keeps the watch.
It's not a matter of where you stand but in what direction you're headed.
The trouble with doing nothing is that you never know when you are finished.
The generation of random numbers is too important to be left to chance.
Statistics are used as a drunk uses lampposts--for support, not illumination.
One hundred percent of the shots you don't take don't go in. -Wayne Gretzky
Gleemites: Petrified deposits of toothpaste found in sinks.
If you are having trouble keeping your head above water, you probably aren't on your toes. -Liguorian
Good judgement comes from experience...Experience comes from bad judgement! -Bill Mansour
Support the strong, give courage to the timid, remind the indifferent, and warn the opposed. -Whitney M. Young
Some people would not recognize subtlety if it hit them on the head.
Restlessness and discontent are the first necessities of progress. -Thomas A. Edison
If you want anything done well, do it yourself. This is why most people laugh at their own jokes. -Bob Edwards
Live your life as an exclamation, not an explanation.
Everyone is kneaded out of the same dough but not baked in the same oven. -Yiddish proverb
The impossible is often the untried. -Jim Goodwin
A man who is 'of sound mind' is one who keeps the inner madman under lock and key. -Paul Valeryy
The most valuable of all talents is that of never using two words when one will do. -Thomas Jefferson
Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are a good person is a little like expecting the bull not to attack you because you are a vegetarian. -Dennis Wholey
Be nice to people on your way up because you'll need them on your way down. -W. Migner
Don't knock the weather; nine-tenths of the people couldn't start a conversation if it didn't change once in a while. -Kin Hubbard
It's not that I'm afraid to die; I just don't want to be there when it happens. -Woody Allen
Too bad all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving cabs and cutting hair. -George Burns
It's easy to tell when a politician is lying. Watch his lips. If they move, he's lying. -Charles Lyall
Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt. -Abraham Lincoln
Litigant: a person about to give up his skin for the hope of retaining his bones. -Ambrose Bierce
Persistent people begin their success where others end in failures. -Edward Eggleston
The old believe everything, the middle-aged suspect everything, the young know everything. -Oscar Wilde
When cryptography is outlawed, bayl bhgynjf jvyy unir cevinpl.
You are not paranoid if they're really after you...
Being defeated is often a temporary condition. Giving up is what makes it permanent. -Marilyn vos Savant
Sometimes your joy is the source of your smile, but sometimes your smile can be the source of your joy. -Thich Nhat Hanh
Don't count the days, make the days count.
Offense is a thing more often taken than given.
We do not see things as they are, we see things as we are. -Talmudic Saying
First say to yourself what you would be, then do what you have to do. -Epictetus
The highest reward for a person's toil is not what they get for it, but what they become by it. -John Ruskin
Never tell people how to do things. Tell them what to do and they will surprise you with their ingenuity. -General George S. Patton, Jr.
In theory there's no difference in theory and practice. In practice there is.
Statisticians know that if you put a man's head in a sauna and his feet in a deep freeze, he will feel pretty good - on the average.
Be the master of your will and the slave of your conscience. -Hasidic saying
He has not acquired a fortune; the fortune has acquired him.
If I listen, I have the advantage. If I speak, the others have it.
Love: a temporary insanity, curable by marriage. -Ambrose Bierce
Restlessness and discontent are the first necessities of progress. -Thomas A. Edison
"A little learning is a dangerous thing,
Drink deep, or taste not the Pierian spring."
How come wrong numbers are never busy?
Law...begins when someone takes to doing something someone else does not like. -Karl Llewellyn
Never explain - your friends don't need it, and your enemies won't believe you anyhow. -Elbert Hubbard
Tact is the art of making a point without making an enemy.
It is not only for what we do that we are held responsible, but also for what we do not do. -Moliere
If you don't care where you are, then you aren't lost.
There's a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line. -Oscar Levant
Apathy Error: Don't bother striking any key.
Time spent laughing is time spent with the gods. -Japanese proverb
There's a fine line between being on the leading edge and being in the lunatic fringe. -Frank Armstrong [Preparing for Tomorrow's Challenges]
Reality is a simulation commissioned by ethicists.
Sometimes your joy is the source of your smile, but sometimes your smile can be the source of your joy. -Thich Nhat Hanh
"Computers in the future may weigh no more than 1.5 tons." Popular Mechanics, forecasting the relentless march of science,1949.
We aim above the mark to hit the mark. -Ralph Waldo Emerson
You only need two things in life; WD-40 to make things go faster & duct tape to make them stop.
Don't be afraid to go out on a limb. That's where the fruit is.
-H.
Jackson Browne [P.S. I Love You]
There are two kinds of men who never amount to much: those who cannot do what they are told, and those who can do nothing else. -Cyrus Curtis
Attitudes are contagious. Is yours worth catching?
The trouble with doing something right the first time is that nobody appreciates how difficult it was.
The two most common elements in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity.
If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
"We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit." -- Aristotle
Friends: People who know you well, but like you anyway.
If people listened to themselves more often, they would talk less.
Nothing ruins the truth like stretching it.
Many a man's tongue broke his nose. -Seumas MacManus
The world is filled with willing people; some willing to work, the rest willing to let them. -Robert Frost
Give me ambiguity or give me something else.
They used to say that knowledge is power. I used to think so, but I now know that they mean money. -Lord Byron, 1788-1824
A life spent making mistakes is not only more honorable but more useful than a life spent doing nothing. -George Bernard Shaw
I think there is a world market for maybe five computers. -Thomas Watson, chairman of IBM, 19588
The cruelest lies are often told in silence. -Robert Louis Stevenson
Today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday.
God gave us two ends. One to sit on and one to think with. Success depends on which one you use; heads you win-tails yo lose..
I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.
A smile is the sensation of feeling good all over and showing it in one spot.
Practice random acts of kindness.
God gives us our memories, so that we would have roses in December. -- Lynda Lindsey.
"I was a vegetarian until I started leaning toward the sunlight." -- Rita Rudner
"The best defense against the atom bomb is not to be there when it goes off." -- Anonymous
The young wish to give their elders the full benefits of their inexperience.
When a man is wrapped up in himself he makes a pretty small package. -John Ruskin
If you're not afraid to face the music you may some day lead the band.
Mothers all want their sons to grow up to be president but they don't want them to become politicians in the process. -John F. Kennedy
The truth is a precious commodity. That's why I use it so sparingly. -M. Twain
Yesterday is a canceled check; tomorrow is a promissory note; today is the only cash you have. Spend it wisely.
"Never attribute to malice that which can adequately be explained by incompetence." - Benjamin Franklin
To succeed in politics, it is often necessary to rise above your principles.
Education is the ability to listen to almost anything without losing your temper or your self-confidence. -- R. Frost
If everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
Time has a wonderful way of weeding out the trivial. -Richard Ben Sapir
Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself. -Leo Tolstoy
All that is needed to be successful is ignorance and self-confidence. Then you can't fail. -- Mark Twain
Time is nature's way of making sure everything doesn't happen at once.
Always do right. This will gratify some people and astonish the rest.
Fear is the tax that conscience pays to guilt. -George Sewell
Time is the best teacher; unfortunately, it kills all its students.
"Tact...The art of telling someone to go to Hell and have them looking forward to the trip."
Snackmosphere: The 95% air inside bags of potato chips.
"Half of the harm that is done in this world is due to people who want to feel important." -- T.S. ELIOT, The Cocktail Party
When things look dark, hold your head high so it can rain up your nose.
The large print giveth, and the small print taketh away. -Tom Waits
Budget: A method for going broke methodically.
This is my rule of married life: it's better to be happy than to be right. -Click & Clack, the Tappet Brothers
He who throws mud loses ground.
ELECELERATION: Pressing an elevator button a lot to speed it up.
An expert is a person who avoids small error as he sweeps on to the grand fallacy. -Benjamin Stolberg
I hate graffiti - in fact I hate all Italian food!
"While the word is yet unspoken, you are master of it; when once it is spoken, it is master of you."
Make a firm decision now... you can always change it later.
The older a man gets, the farther he had to walk to school as a boy.
Everyone should carefully observe which way his heart draws him, and then choose that way with all his strength. -Hasidic saying
"Work as if you don't need the money; love as if you've never been hurt; dance as if no one is watching."
If people listened to themselves more often, they would talk less.
No problem is so formidable that you can't just walk away from it.
The surest sign of intelligent life in the universe is that they haven't attempted to contact us. -Bill Watterson
Failure is often that early morning hour of darkness that precedes the dawning of the day of success.
There is more to life than increasing its speed. -Mohandas Karamchand Gandhi
We may pass violets looking for roses. We may pass contentment looking for victory. -Bern Williams
"I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder."
Children have never been very good at listening to their elders, but they have never failed to imitate them. -James Baldwin
It is in vain to hope to please all alike. Let a man stand with his face in what direction he will, he must necessarily turn his back on one half of the world. -George Dennison Prentice
He who has a why can endure any how. -Friedrich Nietzsche
An idea is not responsible for the people who believe in it.
Visits always give pleasure - if not the arrival, the departure. -Portuguese Proverb
"A root is a flower that disdains fame." -- Kahlil Gibran
It is what we learn after we know it all that really counts.
"Kind words can be short and easy to speak, but their echoes are truly endless." Mother Teresa
The way to become boring is to say everything. -Voltaire
In time, even a Bear can learn to dance. -- ~ Jewish Proverb ~
Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils. --H.Berlioz
If you consult enough experts, you can confirm any opinion.
Don't anthropomorphize computers. They don't like it.
It is difficult to believe that someone can differ from us and be right.
The way to become boring is to say everything. -Voltaire
Who is General Failure, and why is he reading my hard disk?
Problems are only opportunities in work clothes. -Henry J. Kaiser
Never mistake knowledge for wisdom. One helps you make a living; the other helps you make a life. -Sandra Carey
When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us. -Helen Keller
A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother.
With lies you may go ahead in the world, but you can never go back. -Russian Proverb
If he is indeed godlike, the wizard does not bid you enter the house of his wisdom, but rather leads you to the threshold of your own mind." --Kahlill Gibran
Knowledge is a process of piling up facts; wisdom lies in their simplification. -Martin H. Fischer
"Statistics are like bikinis; What they reveal is interesting, what they conceal is vital."---Gus Arriola Gordo cartoon strip ca 1971
"If your parents never had children, chances are you won't either." * Dick Cavettt
This is my rule of married life: it's better to be happy than to be right. -Click & Clack, the Tappet Brothers
Education is an admirable thing, but it is well to remember from time to time that nothing that is worth knowing can be taught..
Until you make peace with who you are, you'll never be content with what you have. -Doris Mortman
A turtle makes progress when it sticks its neck out.
You can't have a better tomorrow if you are thinking about yesterday all the time. -Charles F. Kettering
For every action there is an equal and opposite malfunction.
"The box said 'Requires Windows 95, or better.' So I bought a Macintosh."
The young wish to give their elders the full benefits of their inexperience.
"I have never let my schooling interfere with my education." -Mark Twain
The highest reward for a man's toil is not what he gets for it but what he becomes by it. -John Ruskin
The only time you don't fail is the last time you try anything--and it works. -William Strong
It's not the load that breaks you down - its the way you carry it.
The trouble with political jokes is that they get elected.
I never made a mistake in my life. I thought I did once, but I was wrong.
The world isn't worse. It's just that the news coverage is so much better.
Low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls. -- US Vice President J. Danforth Quayle
It’s the second mouse that gets the cheese. -- Dr. Ray Sheldrake
The secret of man's being is not only to live but to have something to live for. --Dostoyevsky
Wherever there is a human being, there is an opportunity for kindness. -- Seneca
One who walks in another's tracks leaves no footprints. -Proverb
A shy failure is nobler than an immodest success. -- Kahlil Gibran (1883-1931) [Sand and Foam]
"Madness takes it's toll. Please have exact change."
"To watch us dance is to hear our hearts speak" -- Derrick "Suwaima" Davis, Hopi/Chocktaw Indian
There must be more to life than sitting wondering if there is more to life.
May you live in interesting times. -Ancient Chinese Curse
This sentance has threee errors.
The world is a book, and those who do not travel read only a page. -Saint Augustine
Every great movement must experience three stages: ridicule, discussion, adoption. -John Stuart Mill
Humor is just another defense against the universe. -Mel Brooks
Where there is a will, there is an inheritance tax.
The best vitamin for making friends, B-1.
We are only figments of God's imagination.
The only journey is the one within. -Rainer Maria Rilke
Conversation enriches the understanding, but solitude is the school of genius.
The road to success is always under construction.
"Black holes are where God divided by zero."
Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same. --Oscar Wilde
I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants. --A. Whitney Brown
Suppose you were an idiot... And suppose you were a member of Congress .... But I repeat myself.
Our bombs are smarter than the average high school student. At least they can find Kuwait. --A. Whitney Brown
Troubles are like babies; they only grow by nursing.
It is far more impressive when others discover your good qualities without your help. -Judith S. Martin
A closed mind is like a closed book: just a block of wood. -Chinese Proverb
Dilbert Principle: The most ineffective workers are systematically moved to the place where they can do the least damage: management. -Scott Adams
Have children while your parents are still young enough to take care of them. -Rita Rudner
The only function of economic forecasting is to make astrology look respectable. -John Kenneth Galbraith
How did a fool and his money get together in the first place?
---
last update: April 28, 1998.
More good quotes will be added -- rgs (you can quote me). New ones will always be added to the bottom.
Dr. Richard G. Snyder
Vegetable Specialist
Truck Crops Research & Extension Center
Mississippi State University
P.O. Box 231, Crystal Springs, MS 39059
Phone: (601) 892-3731
Fax: (601) 892-2056
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